You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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