I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
