dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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