Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
