We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
