conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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