You smell like a Billy Joel song
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
