That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
