you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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