I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize