is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
