it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
