He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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