I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize