somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
high people should be assigned attendants
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
