loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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