his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
