i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
