talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
