i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
