i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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