Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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