I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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