I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
