On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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