After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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