Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
