he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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