i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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