i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize