Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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