then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
