I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
