You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
