we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize