she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
