PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
