I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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