i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
