Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My pussy is not your playground.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
