Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
