I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
