you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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