I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
