I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
