I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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