These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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