just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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