Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
