the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
