He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
