I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
