she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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