oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
