is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i think my cat just said my name.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
