Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
