I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
