but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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