Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
