apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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