There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Even my vagina gasped.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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