I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
there's paper in my vomit.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Pooping to opera.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
