Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
