mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
