I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
