I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
