Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
