I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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