is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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