yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
